I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
