Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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