are you still at the devil's house?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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