just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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