call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
