me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
