Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
