ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
