Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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