Sponge bath it is.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize