Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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