operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
