The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
