I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
