So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
