Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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