I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
