i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
