he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
