omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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