these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
