After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
