why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
