The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
