remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
