She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
