so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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