it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
