it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
