You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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