you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
