my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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