drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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