Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
