There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
