So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
