i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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