Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
