stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
