dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
