Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
