This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
