i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
