for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
