Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
