JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
