What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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