Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
