Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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