She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
